Chairman Mao Is In My Bathroom and I think he just cost me a friend. "What's that picture of Chairman Mao doing in your bathroom?" said the first-time visitor to my house, arms crossed, a hard, quizzical expression on her face. My husband, who once asked a similar question when we were dating, calls it "a family tradition." It all began in the late 60s, when the brutally repressive Cultural Revolution launched by China's leader, Mao Tse Tung (currently transliterated as Zedong) was in full swing. Also in full swing was our local public television station's annual charity auction. My dad, an auction junkie and Channel 8 supporter, was glued to the set. On the auction block was a large, framed print of Chairman Mao. Hat in one hand, cigarette in the other, he gazed inscrutably into the distance over a background of a zillion or so Chinese peasants. Carrying red flags, they resembled a field of bright poppies that stretched to the horizon. Not surprisingly, bidding was light. Afflicted as he was with chronic acute auction fever, my decidedly anti-communist father saw it as an opportunity he couldn't pass up. Not only would he acquire a bargain-priced piece of wall art -- yeah, okay, the subject matter was inconveniently odious, but it was a bargain -- he'd also have 30 minutes of glory when his name was posted on the Winners Circle for all the auction-viewing public to see. Of course, he won the damned thing. Still excited from his winning bid, he drove immediately to the Channel 8 Studio to claim his prize. An erratic driver at best, he no doubt struck fear in the hearts of motorists as he made his way excitedly across Houston. By the time he arrived home with his purchase, my mom was fuming. "Put the SOB in the bathroom," she snapped, pointing down the hall. He managed a sheepish laugh he hoped would be endearing. "I mean it," she said, jabbing her finger in the direction of the bathroom. "Over the toilet." It seemed particularly appropriate since my dad's favorite epithet at the time was "piss on 'em. Chairman Mao gazed inscrutably over my parents' toilet for years. When they moved overseas in their later years, he took up position over mine. Someday, I like to think, he'll move in with my daughter, Alexis.